You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
