You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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