There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
