It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
