I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
