I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
