his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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