I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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