Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
