The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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