I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
