so explain again why im purple
no
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
