You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Found your dick twin last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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