You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
