She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
