Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
