U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
