I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
