Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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