I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
