I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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