The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
