what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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