I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
