Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
