at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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