ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
