They should really pass out barf bags in church
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
