i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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