Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
