She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
