Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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