U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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