I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
