Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
