I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Randomize
