I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
