she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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