What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
