the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We had sex on a dog bed..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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