I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
