Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
