he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
