wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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