We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
