If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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