If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
