You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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