there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
