I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
