3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
