Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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