bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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