I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
