My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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