I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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