So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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