The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
