I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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