I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
