you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
