just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
